Confidence
“Confidence is the most beautiful thing you can possess.”
If you know me in real life or follow me on social media, you’d know I’m pretty confident in who I am. I genuinely don’t care what people’s opinions are of me, and I am just living my life as authentically as possible. I wasn’t always this way, though. I’ve had many bouts of confidence and then low self-esteem. The critical years were 2017-2019. I struggled greatly during those two years with my mental and physical health. University and trying to “adult” was really challenging. This is no exaggeration, but my confidence level was down to the seventh level of hell (that’s how low it was). I hated myself and my life. I felt like I was living in a dark cloud. So when I turned 22 last year, I made a wish that I would become more confident and assure of myself. If you read my post last week, you’d know that one thing I did was get off all the meds I was on for my chronic pain/mental health. I think that decision was the key to becoming the person who is writing this post. And after a few months, it felt like the dark cloud I was living under had finally lifted. I could finally feel myself becoming the person I had wanted to be.
So, this post is all about my tried and true ways to become more confident in yourself. When I say “tried and true”, I really mean it. These are the things I’ve done to become more confident.
Change your mindset
When I was younger, my mindset was this. “My worth is a direct correlation by the opinions of others/likes I get on Instagram. I used to constantly think that I’ll never gain a big following or be as “popular” as the Youtubers I like are. And while I don’t have that big of a following, and my YouTube career never really took off, that doesn’t affect me like it used to. I did believe that my worth was defined by how “popular” I was, but it doesn’t. What gives you value is the content of your character. Let me say that again.
“What gives you value is the content of your character.”
Once I adopted that mindset, my confidence soared.
Know your worth
There’s a confidence-building formula we should remember: How much we love our lives is typically a direct reflection of how much we love ourselves. If you want to build confidence, ask yourself if you truly value your worth as you should. Many women confuse feeling worthy with arrogance or self-absorption. The difference is that believing in yourself relates to the meaningful qualities you offer; intelligence, kindness, love, humour, etc. Celebrating, pampering and, most importantly, respecting your worth are all significant parts of the hunt for greater self-esteem. Strive to honour yourself daily will show you how worthy you really are.
Try new things
This is easily the hardest way to build self-esteem because if we try something new and fail, we beat ourselves up about our mistakes. Unfortunately, this is one of the most beneficial ways to become more confident. While engaging in the same daily activities can stagnate our self-esteem, learning or trying something new offers the opposite advantages, revving our creativity, increasing our sense of purpose and promoting pride in our efforts. If you are determining how to build confidence, try taking on a fresh challenge beyond your usual routine - learn that second language, explore the local museum or train for your first marathon . . . each dynamic experience, with its own challenges and achievements, will serve to enhance your feelings of self-assurance.
Fake it until it fits
You’ve all heard that saying, “fake it until you make it”. That saying is true when it comes to being confident. If you pretend you are, you’ll eventually start to believe it. If you express an air of esteem in your words, thoughts and body language, even if it is essentially acting, it will establish the behavioural patterns that eventually become a natural habit, instinctively building confidence. A bright smile, good posture, and even a little swagger can go a long way... your heart and mind will follow your lead.
Play to your strengths
Knowing how to build confidence comes from knowing your strengths and how they counteract your weaknesses. Are you extremely outgoing? Do you have a great sense of humour? A clear understanding of the personal attributes that enable and empower your success allows you to play to your strong side and more easily manage your weaknesses. Focus on connecting with situations in a way that flatters you, and you will naturally feel more confident in each interaction. For example, when I was a dancer, my strength in ballet was my artistry, and I was a strong jumper. My weakness was having trouble learning combinations quickly and being a bad turner. So when I danced on my own, I put in as much emotion as possible, along with many jumps and only the turns I could do clean and consistently. Dancing like that made me so much more confident in my abilities.
Redefine your failures
This way is one of my faves. To become more confident, you must redefine what failure means. Most people look at trials with harsh judgement, painfully labelling their struggles as mistakes, inadequacies and downfalls. Though it is natural to reflect on some experiences with disappointment or regret, to continue developing confidence, try looking at past and present errors with a new perspective; focus on what your life lessons have taught you, how much you have grown through the process of learning, and how happy you are to have overcome that obstacle. And as Thomas Edison once said…
“I have not failed. I just found 1,000 ways that did not work.”
Clean up your self-talk
As women, we can be ruthless against ourselves, criticizing everything from how we look to our performance at work to the dynamics of our relationships. Nasty self-talk is detrimental to your self-esteem and confidence. And in turn, this vicious cycle makes us feel bad about ourselves; instead, we need to think more positively about our looks etc.
Yes, we need to hold ourselves accountable for our mistakes, but we must also understand that mistakes are part of life and that no one is perfect. To move away from negative self-talk is to back up every negative thing we say about ourselves with three positive things. Soon all you’ll be saying are positive things. Another good step is telling your worst critic (aka the devil on your shoulder) to go to hell.
List your achievements
Through the highs and lows of life, we can quickly lose track of how far we have come and all that we have accomplished on our journey. As you continue developing confidence, take time to reflect on the many challenges you have overcome and the many beautiful achievements you have earned throughout the years. Whether that be trophies, photos etc. At one point, when I was still a dancer, I had every award I won at competitions displayed in my room. It was a subtle but important reminder to myself that if I was a terrible dancer, I wouldn’t have won all the awards I had. If you have nothing materialistic to display, list your accomplishments and post them somewhere you can see them daily. Keep adding to this list as you continue to meet your goals. Each success is a step toward building confidence, and it will likely surprise you how much you have achieved. Not to mention, re-discovering how fabulous you are never gets old.
Focus on your fans
Do not underestimate the power of positive influences. Always surround yourself with your “fans” (I use the word “fans” very loosely). Those people are also known as positive influences who will always bring out the best in you. Kick those negative people out the window and lock it so they can’t return. It’s imperative to connect with your fan base when you feel particularly low because you’ll be able to draw from their positive impressions of you and remind yourself of all the critical relationships in your life worthy of your self-assurance. As like attracts like, the more you grow your own esteem, the more you will attract equally wonderful people to share your happiness with.
~Bonus tip~
In 2018, Caitlin Kinnunen did this Broadway.com vlog series called “Dance With Me” in one of the vlogs, she went around asking cast members of her show different questions. She asked Beth Level what the best advice she’s ever received was. Beth replied, “You are singular.” I think that piece of advice has to do with confidence. There is no one else exactly like you. Every single person is singular. So go out there and be the best version of yourself that you can be.
I hope you all enjoyed my tips on confidence. If you have any tips for me - leave them in the comments section! Make sure you like, comment, and share this post. Follow me on social media (listed below). As always, sending you all the light and love in this world.
