Forgive Yourself
Hi everyone. Selene here, live and in writing. Today I bring a crucial life lesson. It is about forgiving yourself - something that can be even harder to do than forgiving someone else. We are our worst critic, and often times we blame ourselves for mistakes we made when we didn’t have the knowledge we have today. I know there are moments in my life I would do differently, but I didn’t have the knowledge I have today when I made said mistakes. Learning to forgive younger me has been immensely difficult, but it’s a lesson we all need to learn.
Here is some advice I have on learning how to forgive yourself.
1. Become clear on your morals and values as they are right now
We all feel guilty for what we have done in the past. We feel guilty because those past actions do not align with our current morals and values. Our past wrongs can be a clue to what we think is important. For example, I believe that every life is important. And that no one should ever feel like they are alone because God knows, I have felt like that too many times in my life. By discovering our morals and values, we can start to see a clearer picture of “why” we’re hurting over what we’ve done or what others did to us.
2. Realize that the past is the past
Before you can forgive, you must accept. This seems relatively straightforward, but when we can wrap our minds around the fact that we can’t undo the past, the past is done, we open ourselves up to more acceptance. Increased acceptance can lead to the emotional healing we are all looking for. Remember what Elsa said in Let It Go, “I’m never going back. The past is in the past. Just let it go!”
3. Create a “re-do.”
Never ever underestimate the power of a “re-do.” Make a list of what you would do differently if you could go back and relive whatever led you to this dark abyss. In doing so, we affirm that we learned from our past mistakes and that if we had the skills we have now, back then, we would have done things differently. And if you somehow end up in this situation again, look back at that “re-do” list.
4. Realize you did the best you could at the time
How we respond depends on the skills we have at the time, the frame of mind we’re in at that given point, and how we perceive the situation. Maybe we didn’t have as much objectivity or acted out of survival or protection mode. Perhaps we’d let stress build up, which puts us at a higher risk of responding poorly. Whatever the factors, cut yourself a break. If you learn from it, it was never in vain.
5. Start acting in accordance with your current morals and value
The best thing you can do for yourself is to replace negative behavior and thoughts with more appropriate ones that are harmonious with your morals and values. So create a list of daily goals and do them one by one. This can lead to a sense of pride, which is a massive part of building self-esteem and learning how to forgive yourself.
6. Identify your biggest regrets
Make a list or a graph of the things you regret doing. And then try your best to remember whatever made you regret that choice. This can help you identify the types of patterns you end up in, and then you can make positive ways to change them. For me, I tend to overreact or say things on impulse. So I need to take a breath, count to ten...or fifty before I say something. Or do I need to call “mango” on said situation and walk away from it?
7. Tackle the big ones
Always tackle your biggest regrets first. These are going to require the most work. This is what I like to call “clearing your conscience.” This could mean going to the people you hurt and apologizing, going to rehab, or admitting that you need help.
8. Turn the page
Your story isn’t over yet. There is so much left that is still unwritten. Stop rereading the chapters that are all dark and twisty, and fucked up. Turn the page and accept those events as part of your story. They’ve all contributed to making you who you are. Being grateful for those experiences allows you to move on and truly forgive yourself.
9. Cut yourself some slack
When we first learned to ride a bike, most of us had training wheels on for a while. And when we were finally ready to tackle a two-wheeler, you soon realized that it would take many tries before you got good at it. New behavior and thinking patterns are no different. Both are skills. Cut yourself some slack while you’re on a new learning curve. Realize that you’re going to make mistakes. We all do. It’s part of being human.
10. Move toward self-love
The first step in self-love is forgiving yourself for whatever heinous crime you committed to yourself. Think kind thoughts toward yourself and show yourself some compassion. Hang positive affirmations around your house or apartment. Suppose we learn to think of ourselves as our best friend, to speak to ourselves with love and kindness, and put ourselves as a priority. In that case, it reaffirms that we believe we are worth it.
It's a long process. Forgiving yourself. But you can do it.
“Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.”
And that concludes my post on forgiving yourself. As always, if you enjoyed this post, make sure you like, comment, and share this post. Follow me on social media (listed below). Sending you all the light and love in this world. See you next time!
