Standing on a Precipice: The balance between my religious and spiritual beliefs
“Spirituality is a universal currency. It is part of every religion, every faith, and every person. Everybody has a belief system.”
As of today, October 8th, 2023, I have been baptized methodist. Today is also International Lesbian Day and I planned to get baptized on this day because I am a lesbian, and I go to a church that fully affirms and accepts my sexuality. There are five lesbians on the worship team (myself being one of the five), and my old churches would never have let a proud and open lesbian in any position at the church.
With this commitment to The Divine, I have been musing on whether or not I have to give up my spiritual beliefs too. I’ve come to the understanding that I don’t. There are Christian witches and Christian mystics, so why can’t there be Spiritual Christians too? There absolutely can be, as the quote above suggests. Spiritual is in every religion and this post is going to delve into my religious beliefs, my spiritual beliefs and how my both things intersect, much like how my faith and sexuality intersect. My religion is in support of my spirituality, and I have Bible verses to back it up.
My Religion
So clearly, by the intro, I am a Christian, but I really hate that term due to how most denominations are part of Evangelical Christianity. Through the Jesus-loving Queer Kids I have met through Q Worship Collective and Queer Christian Fellowship I have come upon the terms person of faith and The Divine as a pseudonyms for Christian and Jesus.
I did not grow up as a person of faith. I came to it when I was 17, and going through the passing of someone who would have meant a lot to me. I came out as bisexual when I was 19 but quickly learned that I only liked girls. I kept my lesbian identity a secret online, with only close friends knowing. I came out as a lesbian online when I was 21, but I didn’t make a big deal out of it. I didn’t come out openly as a lesbian and a person of faith on social media until the summer of 2022, after the first QWC conference.
For me personally, I believe in one God. He is the “way maker, promise keeper, miracle worker, light in the darkness. That is who you are. Even when I don’t see it, you’re working. Even when I don’t feel it, you’re working. You never stop.” (Way Maker by Mandisa) believe that the Holy Spirit is always with us. I believe in God’s word, but I take it all with a grain of salt. I believe in an afterworld but do not believe in a hell. I believe that The Divine accepts every part of me, even the parts of me that evangelicals reject.
I believe that:
“God was never angry. God was not against me. God was never far away. God’s not disappointed. God’s not keeping score, and God’s not judging my mistakes.
God is light, God is love. Do not fear, for God’s with us. God is good, God is grace, God will never hide her face. ‘Cause God is… God is…
I see so clearly now. God is in the mystery. God is always with me. I was lost, now I’m found. Everything I once thought...Blinded by the love…”
The Divine, The Divine I have come to know, loves me unconditionally, as He says He does. He was never angry or disappointed in me. He was never judging my mistakes or keeping score (God Is by The Outer Banks). He loves me despite all my faults (we all have them).
But all that to say, I do not believe that Christianity is right for everybody. I would never evangelicalise and preach that “my religion is the only/right/correct religion.” It might be that way for me, but it’s not the way for my parents, for example. I absolutely believe in other religions, we are all on a spiritual journey, even if it feels like we aren’t.
We are all lovely needy people, and “there is mercy enough, there is grace enough, there is love enough for all of us.” (Lovely Needy People by The Many)
My Spirituality
In 2020, during the pandemic, I took a step back from Christianity. I attended services purely out of habit, but I wasn’t there mentally during it. In psychology, we call that dissociation. I would zone out during the sermon and only halfway participate when it was called for.
During this time, when there were no in-person services, I decided to learn more about other belief systems. I’ve mentioned Sadie Aldis before and how much I love her YouTube channel. She talks a lot about a belief system called The Law of Attraction. In the book I am currently going through, Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender by David R Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D. states that:
“Everything emits energy, either positive or negative. Intuitively, we know the difference between a positive and negative person. Most people’s energy is between the two. Music, places, books, animals and intentions, and all of life emit an energy that can be ‘calibrated’ as to its essence and degree of truth. ‘Like goes to like.’”
What he describes here is the principle of The Law of Attraction (LOA). In LOA, we believe that everything has a vibration and so do our desires. In alternate universes (AU), we have everything we desire in this universe. In an AU, I am married to Florence Pugh, am a famous actress, a neurosurgeon etc. What we have to do to manifest these desires is raise our vibrations to the energy of our desire and believe as it is already here in the present tense. Over time, that desire will come to us in our current reality. That doesn’t mean we can just sit on our laurels and do nothing. We have to work for our desires.
For example, a desire of mine was to get straight As in my graduate counseling program. I believed that I had an A in the class, I worked my arse off, and sure enough, I have gotten straight As since I started the prerequisite courses last October. My undergraduate self, who found UG psychology to be so fucking hard, would never have expected to even get accepted into a graduate counseling program, much less get straight A’s. She desired this so much, and I know she is so proud of her of her older self.
That example above is manifestation in action. But now you’re probably wondering, “What does the Bible have to say about this?” Great, I’d love to tell you. Mark 11:24 states: “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” THAT is the Law of Attraction.
So as you can see, my faith and spirituality do intersect, and there is room in my heart for two.
I hope you enjoyed this post. As always, don’t forget to like this post and follow me on all social media (links below). Sending you all the light and love in this world.
