Strategies for Empaths
Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing well. The past few weekends, my parents have been out of town, leaving the whole house to myself, and it has been wonderful. Truly an introvert’s paradise. Aside from my dog, I was actually alone. I ignored my phone guilt-free, there were some people who knew where I was, but none of them could reach me unless I wanted them to. Naturally, I would have LOVED to turn off my phone completely, but I had to keep my phone on because of my parents. I did put it on Do Not Disturb mode, and I kept it in a different room. It was simply the best. A staycation at its finest. I did a lot of fun solo activities. For shits and giggles, I lived my weekend as if I was Celaena Sardothien (minus the killing part). I worked out, I read a book — an entire book, I slept…a lot, I played with my dog, Bella, I studied and cooked food for a party of one. Celaena also plays an instrument so I filmed two cajon covers for Instagram. And you can bet that I spend the entire staycation in my Celaena costume.
This week, I wanted to talk to you about being an empath, and if you are one, too, I’ve added some strategies that can make your life easier. So let’s get into it, but before that, I want to distinguish the difference between an empath and a highly sensitive person.
Empath vs. HSP
Highly Sensitive People (HSP) - HSPs are generally more sensitive to the environment and social interactions, and it takes them longer to take in information.
Empaths - Empaths are also HSPs, but it goes further than that. They also have more developed intuition and absorb emotions like sponges.
“It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.”
As an empath, I can feel the emotional atmosphere around me, which was so challenging and confusing when I first discovered this about myself. I was always stressed out, even if my personal life was going well. I learned that this is because I am spiritually connected to some people. I can feel it when someone is pretending to care about me or if someone is irritated at me. We don’t even need to talk for me to know. As Sanford Meisner said, “An ounce of behaviour is worth more than a pound of words.” Body language speaks volumes over words. I genuinely feel what people around me are feeling. If someone is constantly negative, bitter or upset all the time, I end up feeling negative, bitter, and upset all the time. Or if someone is happy and cheerful all the time, I feel that way too. I match energies. I absorb the emotions and stresses of those I interact with. It can be wonderful, but it can also be very exhausting and incredibly confusing to determine which feelings are my own and which are from someone else.
Being an Empath takes work. It is complex and confusing, but there are ways I’ve learned protect yourself from undue pain and stress but before that, let’s take this a step father and find out if you are an empath or not.
Am I an Empath questions.
01. Have I been labelled as overly sensitive or a hypochondriac?
02. Have I ever sat next to someone who seemed nice, but suddenly my eyelids got heavy, and I felt like taking a nap?
03. Do I feel uneasy, tired, or sick in crowds and avoid them?
04. Do I feel someone else’s anxiety or physical pain in my body?
05. Do I feel exhausted by angry or hostile people?
06. Do I run from doctor to doctor for medical tests, but I’m told, “You’re fine.”
07. Am I chronically tired or have many unexplained symptoms.
08. Do I frequently feel overwhelmed by the world and want to stay home?
09. Do I find myself crying at every horrible current event headline I see?
10. Do I relate to a fictional character so deeply that I start to become obsessed/fall in love with them?
If you answered “yes” to 1 - 3 questions, you are at least part Empath. Responding yes to 4 - 5 questions indicates you have a moderate degree of empathy. 6 - 7 “yeses” indicate you have a high degree of empathy. Eight yeses indicate you are a full-blown Empath.
My Experiences
I am both a physical and emotional Empath. I have been told countless times to toughen up and not be overly sensitive. I am also connected to many fictional characters (Celaena Sardothien/Aelin Ashryver Galathynius from Throne of Glass, Yelena Belova from Black Widow, Amelia Shepherd from Grey’s Anatomy, Elphaba from Wicked, and Phantom from Phantom of the Opera, just to name a few). I’m not “obsessed” with them; I just connect with them deeply. I completely understand what they’ve gone through in their stories because I have gone through similar things or at least had experiences that made me feel the same emotions as them.
It should be no surprise to anyone that the character I connect with the most is Celaena Sardothien. I connect with her on a soul level, that I feel like her experiences were my own. I have cried so many times reading this series because I just get it.
I discovered that I was an empath when I was 18 and now after 8 years of knowing I am one, I’ve come up with a lot of strategies to protect myself. Here’s my top eight.
Strategies for Empaths
1. Evaluate
First, I need to discover the source of this symptom or emotion. Is it mine or someone else’s? It could be both, like being at work and my co-worker starts panicking about something that could happen, which makes me panic as well (been there!). If the emotion is mine, I then find out what’s causing it by thinking about what I’ve done today and who I’ve interacted with that may have set off this feeling. If it’s not mine, I try to pinpoint the generator. Did I have a friend complain about something wrong in her life, or did I re-watch another depressing episode of Grey’s Anatomy, knowing that it would set something off in me (been there!)
2. Move away, set healthy limits and boundaries
If the source is a person, I try to distance myself from that person. I limit my interactions with them both in person and online to see if I feel relief. I don’t err on the side of not wanting to offend them. In a public place, I change seats if I feel a sense of “dis-ease” imposing on me. If that person invites me out, I generally say no. I don’t people please. “No” is a complete sentence.
One thing I’ve done many times is if a friend constantly texts me bitter, negative things, I’ll put their messages on “do not disturb” mode. I’ll still get their message, but I won’t get any notifications. I also will reply with short answers like “oh” or “ok” when said person constantly complains about the same thing. Eventually, I may just stop responding to that person altogether.
3. Know your vulnerable points
Each of us has a body part that is more susceptible to absorbing stress. Mine is my gut and my shoulders. The more stressed I get, the tighter my shoulders get, and the more foods upset my stomach, which generally doesn’t irritate it when I’m not stressed. During my last year of secondary school, my right trapezius muscle got so tight and swollen that I had to get a few painful massages for it to relax. It was terrible. Even right now, as I write this post, I feel a lot of pain in both trapezius muscles. At the onset of symptoms in these areas, I place my palm there and keep sending loving-kindness to that area to soothe discomfort. It’s comforting and builds a sense of safety and optimism.
4. Surrender to your breath, release negativity, and counter distress
If I suspect I am picking up someone else’s symptoms, I concentrate on my breath for a few minutes. This is centering and connects me to my inner power. If this doesn’t help, I turn on music with natural sounds. This one makes me feel like I am a fairy in a forest.
To release negativity, I imagine that my breath is black, all that negative energy is going out of me, and I am inhaling white positive light.
To counter emotional or physical distress, act fast and meditate for a few minutes. Do this at home, work, parties, or conferences. I often take refuge in the bathroom. If it’s public, close the stall. Meditate there. Calm yourself. Focus on positivity and love.
5. Visualize protection around you
I like to visualize an envelope of white light around my entire body, kind of like Violet’s forcefield from The Incredibles. Or, with highly toxic people, visualize a fierce black jaguar patrolling and protecting your energy field against intruders. This has helped me a lot during stressful times
6. Take a bath or shower
A quick way I like to dissolve stress is to immerse myself in water. My bath or shower is my sanctuary after a busy day. It washes away everything from exhaustion, long hours of air travel, and pesky symptoms I have taken on from others. I love turning off the light in my bathroom and only having a candle illuminate the space. I will also put on music that has positive meanings/vibes for me. It’s a toss-up between my Queer Worship playlist or Bookish Songs Vol 1 by Victoria Carbol.
For quick relief when I am on the go, I love the Origins On-The-Spot relief. It has a lovely peppermint scent that isn’t overpowering, so if I’m wearing perfume, it won’t mix badly with it. I have sample-size tubes that I keep in all my travel bags.
7. Avoid emotional triggers
For me, emotional triggers HUGE. They are things related to the darker side of depression, emotional deaths, and basically anything in the news lately. I do my best to avoid those triggers. I don’t watch the news; I figure that social media or my parents will tell me if something significant happens. I avoid things related to depression (such as the show 13 Reasons Why).
After many years of continuously practice these strategies (amongst many others), I have cultivated a magical, safe bubble that nurtures me while simultaneously driving negative things away. I still do often pick up someone else’s pain or other symptoms but I don’t panic anymore. For me, it’s natural. With these strategies, I have quicker responses to stressful situations. If you try these out hopefully, you’ll start to feel that way too.
I hope you enjoyed this post. As always, don’t forget to like this post and follow me on all social media (links below). Sending you all the light and love in this world.
