Toxic Friends
“We would do ourselves a tremendous favor by letting go of the people who poison our spirit.”
Have you ever had a toxic friend? Someone who makes you sick just thinking of their name or seeing them in the hallways? Have you wanted to remove them from your life but didn't know how. In this post, I will show you how to remove negative people from your life without being a bitch about it (even though sometimes being a bitch is called for).
Toxic friends (or exs') are invisible poisons (like carbon monoxide) and should not be allowed in our lives. They bring you down, and they lower your vibrations. I've definitely had some toxic friends, and I'll be the first to admit that, years ago, I probably was the toxic friend. Through growing up, doing a lot of shadow work, and having my life change, I no longer feel like I am that way. I can quickly identify toxic people and deal with them accordingly. Here are seven reasons why they poison our spirit and why we should let them go.
1. Recognize the problem
The first step is the most basic one. You have to realize that this person is toxic to your life. Some things they may do are:
is take advantage of you (not pay you back, not return favours, etc.)
gossip about you with other people
accuse you of things you didn't do
are constantly negative about everything
belittle, gaslight, exclude or put you down
they don't take accountability for their actions and play the victim when called out on their behaviours
If you're in a group of three, said toxic friend might try to make the third person turn against you (been there!)
Once you know there is a problem, it'll be that much easier to end your relationship with them.
2. Care about your own well being
It may be hard to remove toxic friends from your life, especially if you've known them for many years and never expected them to do this. In some situations, they may be in all of your classes in school, part of your favorite after-school activities (been there), or even part of your family. At a certain point, you must learn to care about your well-being and your status with these people. Putting your emotional health first will help you be happier and live a more positive and stress-free life.
3. Remove them from social media
This is the first step I take when removing toxic people from my life. I slowly start to respond less and less to their texts; I slowly unfriend or block them off my social media and try to avoid places I know they'd be. For example, a toxic friend I had always hung out with in the library near my college. So instead of going to the library before class, I would sit outside and read a book or something. I loved getting the fresh air and didn't have to worry about uncivilized interactions.
I know blocking them from social media and all sound really harsh, but trust me, it is so worth it to not see pictures, and stuff of theirs float through your newsfeed (plus people like that have no business seeing your life either because all they'll do is try to bring you down).
4. Cut down on contact
Similar to the tip above, stop communicating with them. Don't text them first; call them or anything of that nature. If you can, sit away from them in class or change groups if you can (helps with making new friends). If they initiate contact with you, be friendly but don't engage in a lengthy conversation with them either. Giving them the cold shoulder isn't always ideal because they'll know something is up. Be casual and short with your replies. Don't keep telling them everything like you used to. It won't be too stark of a contrast, and it'll eventually seem like you guys are "growing apart." (which, I think, is the best and kindest way to rid yourself of toxic people).
5. Limit face-to-face interactions
This one can be more challenging if you interact with them daily (work, school, extracurriculars, etc.). If you must see them, try to only do it when around other people because there is less chance for them to try and say something stupid to you. Limit the places you go that they go to. For example, I had conflicts with a dance mate throughout high school. Eventually, I couldn't deal with her shit anymore, so I changed studios. I benefitted greatly from that choice, even though I let her win by leaving (that's what she wanted). Just try not to let other aspects of your life suffer.
6. Don't fight fire with fire
This one may be difficult for those who have a quick temper. If the toxic people you're avoiding get angry, don't get mad back. It ends up with feelings of hurt and embarrassment later if said fight is done in public. Fighting fire with fire, just makes it more difficult to remove them from your life. Based on my experience with toxic people, they thrive on drama. Don't fuel their fires. Radio silence on your end is sometimes necessary, no matter how difficult.
7. If you can't remove them from your life, try other options
Sometimes it's impossible to 100% extricate the toxic people from your life. This happens for various reasons, from working with them and you can't find a better job, or perhaps you live with them. Whatever the reason, if you can't remove them from your life, try talking to them if you can muster up the courage to do so. If that isn't an option, try to limit your contact with them. Go out more if you can, or if you're more introverted like me, staying in your room can work just as well. This route is generally more challenging, but at least you have some options.
And that concludes my post on toxic friends. I hope this post helped you. As always, make sure you like and comment on this post. Sending you all the light and love in this world. See you next time.
