Are You Alive or Just Existing?
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.”
When I was 17, I lost someone important to me. It was a tough time for me. One day when I was talking to my dad about what I was going through, he suggested that I live my life to the fullest. To truly experience every moment, emotion, and opportunity life has to offer. To have this person live through me. Since then, I’ve put my heart and soul into everything I do. From being a good friend…to being very meticulous about my schoolwork (which results in good grades)… to paying people compliments or making small talk when waiting in line at the grocery store. I try to be the human personification of sunlight (as my middle name suggests).
Today, I will teach you how to live your life to the fullest by explaining six questions to ask yourself and seven “rules” to follow. When I say “rules”, I mean that very loosely. These are the things I try to follow daily. Since I started doing this, I am happier than I used to be, and I am more self-aware. So let’s get right into it.
6 Questions
1. Are you accomplishing anything?
First, think about your goals, short-term and long-term. Are you accomplishing any short-term goals that will help you achieve a long-term goal? For example, my long-term goal is to become a psychotherapist. As you all know, I am working on my master’s degree right now. My short-term goal with grad school is to learn the material I’m learning in class and get the best grades possible.
Next, consider all the small steps you can take to achieve your goal. Once you’ve identified those small steps, try to accomplish one of those goals every month or every two months. And always reward yourself when you achieve one of those goals.
For example, every week, I write in my planner all the things I need to do that week and check them off as I go. And at the end of each class, if I get an A or a B, I get a nice reward (usually a book). Rewarding yourself for achieving a short-term goal will encourage you to continue to meet all those short-term goals you may have, which will, in turn, get you closer to your long-term goal.
2. Are you having fun?
Life isn’t meant to be super stressful all the time. There can’t be all work and no play. Make sure you do stuff you enjoy, whether it is dancing, singing or playing a sport. Being happy and having fun is a simple way to enjoy life.
If you’re not having fun, figure out why and change it. If it’s something you can’t change, try to make the best of it. For example, when I was at community college, I worked at a little FroYo joint in town. In the beginning, I wasn’t having a good time at that job, but after a while, I realized that while I do prep work in the backroom, I could be rehearsing monologues for theatre or singing along to songs that play on the radio. Doing that made the job way more fun.
3. Do you feel?
Do you feel excited when you get an A+ on the test you worked your butt off for? Do you feel sad when a friend is hurting? Feeling emotions are healthy. You don’t want to feel numb. Sure, if you lose someone close to you, you might want to numb the pain. I highly encourage you not to do that. There is no point in living life if you’re comfortably numb. (Pink Floyd pun there…)
In an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy,” Amelia hasn’t let herself feel the heartbreak of Derek’s Death. She and Owen talk, and then she tells him she has a baggie of Oxy and might take it. Owen convinces her not to take the Oxy and that she needs to feel the pain of losing her brother. In the scene, he tells Amelia, “We’re supposed to love and hate and get hurt and grieve and break and be destroyed. That is human. We rebuild ourselves to get destroyed again. That is humanity.” (Season 11, Episode 22). I think that is really important to know. The only way to experience life to its fullest is to feel everything. That’s how we know we’re human. Christina Perri’s song “Human” also speaks the truth about humanity. “I’m only human. I bleed when I fall down. I’m only human. I crash, and I break down. Words in my head, knives in my heart. You build me up, and then I fall apart. I’m only human.” So feel every emotion you can. It makes you a stronger person. (I can attest to that).
4. Are you appreciative of everything you have?
Every person, even the poor orphans on the street, has something to be thankful for, even if it is just waking up every day. Thank the Gods for each and every day and moment you are alive. Even appreciate the things you might not necessarily would. You all know what a shitshow my Uni days were, but I know that everything worked out the way it was meant to be. Without those experiences, my life would be on a completely different trajectory.
5. Do you do what you want or what others tell you to do?
When you’re a minor, unfortunately, there are certain things that you have to do, like go to school, go to doctor’s appointments etc. However, once you hit your adult years, you have the ability to stop doing what your parents want and start doing what you want. I highly recommend that you follow your dream. That doesn’t mean you should rebel against your parents and do dangerous activities. It just means you don’t have to let your parents pick your major and decide your future. That’s all up to you.
I used to be very guilty of not doing what I wanted. I cared way too much about other people’s opinions of me, so if there was something I wanted to do, but someone told me not to do it, chances were I wouldn’t do it.
I do many things now that I wouldn’t have done years ago. It takes a lot to learn how to do what you want to do. The easiest way is to stop asking for others’ opinions and care what they think. If you want to wear that outfit that your sibling says is ugly, you rock that outfit! And rock it with confidence. Most people aren’t going to notice what you’re wearing because they are either glued to their phones or are making out with their boyfriend in the hallway. So do what pleases you and enjoy life!
6. Do you put effort into enhancing your life?
Your life isn’t going to change unless you force it to change. You won’t feel alive until you try to enhance your life. Apply for a new job, make new friends, or try speed dating. Just do something to turn your luck around.
You shouldn’t sit idly by while the world continues to turn. You need to put in the effort to make yourself happy, so you can feel like you’re living your life. After reading this list, is there anything in your life that you’d benefit from changing? I can think of many things I could change…
7 Rules
1. Laugh.
One of the most important things to do is laugh in every situation possible. One of my co-workers is always laughing when we talk. She always seems to be so happy, and I admire that about her. I know it’s hard to laugh when you feel like your world is crashing down, but just remember that everything happens for a reason: so just laugh.
2. Don’t set expectations.
Setting expectations is the root of all evil. I used to always set super high expectations for myself and other people. And when those expectations weren’t met, I was unhappy. I learned to get expectations lower, so I would be astonished when they were exceeded. I’m always happier when a lower expectation is met.
3. Be thankful.
Going hand in hand with not setting expectations, try to find the good in all situations, no matter how horrible they may be. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Life is a beautiful crazy rollercoaster, and you should be thankful to be on it. Training your brain to see the good in everything will give you peace of mind and help you enjoy life even during tough times.
While the stuff I experienced at university was very shitty, fucked up and traumatic, I am working on being thankful for those experiences. It helped me find my purpose in life and will allow me to help others who are dealing with/dealt with the same thing.
4. Take time to relax.
Like I said earlier, life isn’t meant to be all stress all the time. Listen to your body; no matter how invincible you think you are, you’re not Super Woman. (I totally wish I was, though). If your body is telling you that it needs time to relax, listen to it. Your body is your temple, and in order to live the fullest life, you must first take care of the body that will grant you that beautiful gift. I listen to my body when it needs a nap or to sleep early, and I try to provide it with good nutrition and light exercise.
5. Do what makes you happy.
It’s your life, after all, isn’t it? Sure, your parents and friends and family want what’s best for you and will interject their own opinions on how you should live your life, but ultimately it’s your life, and you need to do what makes you happy. Try to turn off the noise around you and only focus on what your inner guide, your gut, and your heart are telling you. You know you better than anyone else.
6. Love yourself and others.
In one version of Sleeping Beauty I loved as a kid, there was a fairy name Amiratta. She was the fairy of love. She was able to love everyone, even people others felt didn’t deserve it. Since seeing that version for the first time, I have tried to follow her example daily. I try to love others the way God loves me. Unconditionally. It’s not easy by any means, but everyone deserves love.
Love everyone for who they are. Love is what makes this world go round. It is the most beautiful and pure thing we have and the closest thing we have to magic. To fully enjoy life and live it to the fullest, you must love yourself and others. It may surprise you how different your life will feel and unfold when you accept love and give love.
7. Know you are accepted and validated.
Being a lesbian and a person of faith, finding a place where I felt accepted and validated has been challenging. On the one hand, there are a lot of people in the LGBT community who dislike Christianity (and sadly, that’s rightfully so). On the other hand, there are a lot of Christians out there who oppose the LGBT community. For years, I struggled with my sexuality and my faith. I couldn’t find a place where both aspects of me connect. It wasn’t until I went to the Q Worship Weekend last summer that I found the community I longed for.
If you find people, even one person, who accepts you for who you are, hold on to them and never let them go. (Ily Thomas). These people are the ones you want in your life. On the other hand, if you had a friend who accepted you but didn’t want to be your friend for whatever bullshit excuse she had, don’t be afraid to let that friend go. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
“ Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up, I can choose joy, happiness, negativity or pain. To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continuously make choices and mistakes. Today, I choose life. Not to deny my humanity but to fully embrace it.”
And there you have it! I hope you found this post helpful and informative. As always, don’t forget to give this post a like, leave me a comment telling me what your biggest takeaway was, and share this post with someone who you think might benefit from it. Sending you all the light and love in this world. See you next time!
