Perfectionism 101
Welcome to Part II of my Summer Course Survival Guide. This time I am going to talk about something I know all too well and applies to all performers, not just dancers. And that is perfectionism.
Have you ever had one of those times when you obsess over your mistakes or a bad day at rehearsals? I had so many of those days I’ve completely lost count. When I was in dance, sometimes my perfectionism ate away all the joy and fun of performing and it’s honestly one of the reasons why I don’t dance anymore. As most of you know, I had to leave ballet six years ago and trying to dance now is so hard due to the “perfectionistic” mindset that was ingrained in me early on. I will attempt to dance and whenever I make a mistake or a move is hard for me I will get very stuck in the mindset that “you could do this move in your sleep when you were a teen, it should not be hard for you now.” I do know that dancing isn’t as easy for me anymore due to all the changes in my body since I was a teen. I do know that I have to essentially relearn ballet but I digress. It’s just not the same anymore.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve noticed that my perfectionism doesn’t just begin and end with dance. I’m a perfectionist about everything in my life, from what each blog post looks like, to my handwriting, to even what I wear daily. It can be hard sometimes, wanting everything to be perfect because when something doesn’t happen the way I want it to, I get down on myself. But for the sake of this post, I will focus on perfectionism and my dancing.
When I was dancing pre-professionally, I wanted my dancing to be absolutely perfect. I worked hard and was incredibly focused. But instead of concentrating on how much I was improving, I obsessed over my mistakes. I constantly saw my weaknesses and flaws as something wrong with me. In class, I’d be so busy thinking about the last mistake I made or the things about me that needed ‘fixing,’ that I would miss corrections from the teachers or would be slow to pick up the combination. This affected my confidence and focus. I would always tell myself, “don’t screw up the combination.” I’d end up screwing it up because I was so focused on dancing perfectly over just letting go and dancing, if you know what I mean.
If this sounds familiar, you may suffer from perfectionism that impedes your progress and makes you feel bad about yourself. So let’s dive into learning about perfectionism and how to deal with it.
What is neurotic perfectionism—and how different is it from perfectionism?
Most dancers are perfectionists, which is a good thing. We have a strong work ethic, high standards and are often organized. “A lot of what we do is about perfecting our physique and technique. We are constantly making adjustments and improvements.”
But when this is taken to the extreme, it becomes neurotic, or maladaptive, perfectionism. “Neurotic perfectionism is the need to succeed taken to the extreme,” says Maryland-based Silby, who has worked with dancers at The Kirov Academy in Washington, DC, and American Ballet Theatre. Maladaptive perfectionism is characterized by a constant need for approval, the setting of unreasonable standards, and endless anxiety about meeting those expectations. On the other hand, “People with a healthy drive to succeed understand that there are ups and downs,” Silby says. “If they fail to meet expectations, they can negotiate through it effectively and use it to move forward. For neurotic perfectionists, it’s either success or failure, and typically, it’s failure because the standard is so high it’s almost impossible to meet.”
Why is it dangerous?
Maladaptive perfectionism can cause various psychological problems, like eating disorders, anxiety, and substance abuse. It can make you lose your love for dance and make you feel depressed. It can also lead to burnout—a maladaptive perfectionist might continually over-practice or never take a day off. She might add cross-training, thinking she’s doing something good for herself when she needs to rest.
What are the signs?
If a dancer is unusually critical, is focusing on her mistakes, not seeing all the good things she has done, or is setting very high standards that no one could meet...that is perfectionism for you.
Neurotic perfectionists tend to…
1. Overemphasize PRODUCT, and underemphasize PROCESS. Dancers who fixate on the final outcome—say, not being cast in a particular role—dismiss how they have contributed to their success. “They don’t say, ‘I had a great audition today, and here’s why: I visualized my variation, I took a deep breath, and told myself to trust my training,’” Silby says. This makes performing even more anxiety-provoking because they don’t give themselves any credit for contributing to the outcome! (In fact, when a dancer is asked how he/she has contributed to his/her success, nine out of 10 perfectionists will say they don’t know).
2. Set unrealistic standards that make them feel like they’re constantly failing, which can lead to depression.
3. Procrastinate. The sheer thought of failing keeps them from trying, so they put it off.
4. Be indecisive, which can be problematic on or offstage. “In performance, if you can’t decide whether you’re really going to go for it or kind of going to go for it, it wreaks havoc on performance,” Silby explains.
5. Feel shame and guilt about letting others down and worry about the sacrifices their parents or teachers have made for them.
6. Say “should” a lot instead of focusing on what they can do or have already accomplished.
What are the contributing factors?
Teachers and the studio environment also play an essential role. Does your teacher put emphasis on effort or only on the outcome? Does she pay attention to all the students or just the most talented ones? You need to be able to dispute negative thoughts with fact, logic, and reason. Look at the bigger picture. The teacher may have ignored you today because she worked with you yesterday or because you have a cold and weren’t at your best.
This is hard to do on your own; believe me, I know. I recommend thinking about what you’d say to your best friend if she complained of being ignored. You wouldn’t tell her she was a complete loser! You’d probably give her a slew of factors—primarily circumstantial ones—that have contributed to her feeling down.
How do you treat it?
The most significant way to stop perfectionism is part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It’s a technique called “thought-stopping”: When you feel a negative thought coming on, you stop it early. Then you reframe the situation by treating a mistake as a learning opportunity. Let’s say you fell out of a turn at a critical dress rehearsal. Instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself why. Maybe you’re exhausted. Or perhaps it’s an awkward step that needs to be fixed. It doesn’t have to mean you have no talent.”
Also, as dancers, we need to become aware of our own “self-talk.” What are you (unconsciously) telling yourself? Are you criticizing yourself for being untalented, or do you feel proud of doing a step well?
Final Thoughts
You can learn to turn maladaptive perfectionism around, so it doesn’t negatively affect your dancing and self-esteem. After the ankle surgeries I had in 2021 that forced my to slow down, I realized that I focused too much on my imperfections and the things that went wrong. I was stressing out and overworking in this unrealistic attempt to be perfect.
What did I do? I started accepting myself and the things that I couldn’t change. I’m committed and disciplined to everything I do, but now I try not to put unnecessary pressure on myself.
I also advise staying positive for the sake of your fellow dancers. The worst thing is working with a dancer who has a negative self-image. Now I work hard on my weaknesses, but they don’t affect my focus and stress level and don’t hold me back. It’s because I’m aware of my strengths, too. (If you’ve done competitions and won many awards, you have proof of your strengths. Every plaque, trophy, and metal in my room proves I am a fantastic dancer, even if people think otherwise.
And that concludes my post on perfectionism. Don’t forget to read last weeks post, Summer Course Survival Guide 1.0 and check back next week to learn how to deal with criticism.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you like, comment, and share this post. Follow me on social media (listed below). As always, sending you all the light and love in this world. See you next time!
